


Harder

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-09
Updated: 2006-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sob. Sob. Pass the tissues, please. [01/08/05]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harder

## Harder

by silvina

[]()

* * *

Standard Disclaimer. Lex is exactly what I wanted for my birthday. How did you know? Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. 

It was stupid really. He was too old to really celebrate his birthday, and it wasn't exactly something his father had ever seemed to want to remember all that clearly. He'd rarely had any real friends, so the most he'd ever gotten was a quiet "happy birthday" from his secretary, and occasionally the cook if it was one of her days. No one else had really seemed to notice. 

A part of him, the same part, he realized, that was still disappointed every time his father acted more like a Luthor than a father, had expected something different this year. He and Clark had just begun getting to know each other this time the year before, so he hadn't expected anything. Now though, he had thought, maybe there would be something. He wasn't expecting much, he just thought that someone might notice this year. 

More specifically, that Clark cared enough about him to wish him happy birthday and give him some cheesy, folksy gift that Lex would secretly be utterly grateful to receive. And through Clark there might be other presents. Martha Kent's famous upside-down apple birthday cake. Jonathon Kent's forbearance on cursing the Luthor name to his face for a day. Simple things. Things he could hardly admit to wanting, perhaps even needing. 

So he'd been anticipating the day for the first time in his life since his mother became sick. The only other time he'd come close to looking forward to this day was when he turned eighteen. 

And nothing. It wasn't even like he hadn't snuck in brief reminders that his birthday was coming up. It wasn't like he hadn't seen Clark both the day before and the day of. And he knew it wasn't that Clark was planning some kind of surprise birthday party. First of, within the city limits of Smallville there weren't enough people that would voluntarily attend, and those outside of Smallville that might would not attend the kind of party that Clark would throw. Second, and most damning, Clark couldn't lie to save his life. Not without being obvious that there was something he was hiding. 

For the first time since they'd met, Lex didn't think Clark was hiding something. At least not this something. 

It hurt. He was honest enough with himself in private to admit that it hurt. Fuck, it really hurt, hitting him in a place where his self-confidence admitted that it was mostly made up of bravado, and that he was totally faking this nothing-can-touch-me attitude. 

He was very tempted to do something blatant. To shove it in Clark's face that he'd messed up the friendship thing when it was always Lex who was still learning what being friends meant. Something big and showy and flashy, so he could see Clark realize what Sunday had been. He wanted to see, but at a distance. Close up he'd probably feel bad for making Clark feel bad, and the last thing he wanted was to feel guilty when he hadn't done anything. 

He wouldn't though. He wouldn't do any of those things. He wouldn't even mention it to Clark, and next year he wouldn't expect anything. It was probably for the best that all of this had happened. Next time he wouldn't forget. He wouldn't _expect_. 

And then he wouldn't be disappointed. 


End file.
